How to Steal an Election

Steal it now, so history may close its book on us, and carve in its final epitaph: Here lies the remains of a nation that mistook plunder for democracy, and perished applauding its thieves.

A Guide to Election Heist by Oumar Farouk Sesay

Why wait for the election charade that warfare dressed as lawfare, that rape disguised as consent, that sodomy of a people’s will, that ethnic census in costume when you could steal it clean before the first ballot drops.

Skip ballots, skip ink, skip slogans, skip drums, skip redistricting, skip census, skip the pretense of debates, skip democracy’s chorus rehearsed on an empty stomach. Skip even the memory of choice. Pocket the prize upfront.

Legislate the heist: no blood spilt, no party twice in a row, no inaugurations, no funfair only cannon fire to bless the theft, so children may learn from birth that power is by force, not consent.

Think of the savings: no ballot boxes to stuff, no ghost names smeared in ink, no policemen bribed to aim at the wrong crowd, no brothers dragged into fratricide. With the fraud’s budget spared, hospitals might rise instead of headlines, schools instead of slogans, bridges instead of billboards.

So come, thieves of state pilfer the presidency now, pickpocket parliament today. We will cheer as if at a carnival, and weep as if at famine. Spare us the sunburn of queuing, the chest-thumping campaigns, the televised lies with applause rented by the hour.

Steal it clean. Steal it quick. Steal it once and for all. Steal it, as you always have done until the heist is no longer theft but the nation’s only creed, until ballots are relics and freedom, a rumor whispered in exile.

Steal it now, so history may close its book on us, and carve in its final epitaph: Here lies the remains of a nation that mistook plunder for democracy, and perished applauding its thieves.